Sunday, November 21, 2010

mcrib & the broham

you may have heard the recent mcrib rage. when serious eats wrote about it, i knew there was something to be discussed. so i referred to a conversation the broham and i had last winter, wherein
i learned about his mcrib addiction. but before
i present my first guest author, the broham, with his official mcrib review, i'd like to provide the following conversation excerpt:

bro: Me thinks it might be time to fetch some luncheon
ggz: lovely, what's on the menu?
bro: Mc fucking Rib. I hate myself.
ggz: ew no noooooooooooo don't do it!!!!!!
ggz: seriously mcrib? wtf?
bro: I know... I KNOW ARGH!
bro: I know it’s terrible, and I feel bad after I eat it. It’s like a horrible drug. Fucking heroin of the tummy. Fantastic while eating, and afterward...the guilt. BUT I CAN'T STOP DROOLING!!!! Okay, I'm going to get this filth, and I'll be back.
bro: I shall type a narrative to you of its filth. The very odd, nearly black "barbecue sauce" they put on it... I NEED IT NOW!!!! ARGH ::Leaves.::

so without further adieu, i bring you the broham:

the broham's mcrib review

"A boneless pork patty smothered with our tangy sauce, topped with pickles and chopped onions." It sounds innocent enough, but to eat one of these is surely to invite death. It is an unnatural creation brought from the darkest recesses of the McDick's test kitchen. And since the McRib resurfaced I've had four.

When you first open the box , you're greeted by a rather depressing sight. The bun usually sits off kilter, and the bright burgundy sauce has smeared inside the box. But they drown the fucking thing in it. Picking it up is something of an exercise in dexterity because when I say "smothered", I mean it. The bun tends to slip around a bit if you aren't careful. Biting into it is a startling sensation, because there is very little texture difference between the bun and the reconstituted pig hooves and ears they call pork. The bun if firm and the meat is spongy. The taste is like a tangy ketchup flavor mixed with a vague and generic "meat" flavor.

Each bite is more fantastic that than the last. The "flavor" punctuated by a salty fry or bubbly slurp of Coke (gotta have that value meal). It's a positively suicidal way to enjoy myself for the 15 or 20 minutes it usually takes me to devour it. And how do I know this is so suicidal? Because about 20 minutes after I finish I begin to feel what I describe as the "McBrick." And what is shocking is how true that feels. If you press on my stomach (which I invite you all to do, of course), it actually feels...hard. This is of course a sign that I am going to die within moments. And that's how I feel. And that's how I feel every time. And I'm going to have another. Or maybe I'll learn and stop doing this to myself. Nah.

Note: I would like to thank my dear sister for not only allowing me on her blog, but not disowning me.

double note (p.p.s.): go go zo DOES NOT condone the consumption of the mcrib or anything else golden arches related.

p.p.p.s: if you skip the bun, the mcrib is actually wheat-free (alarming, i know)

Monday, November 15, 2010

squash pancakes and pumpkin waffles

i've done the pumpkin pancake thing before. but for some reason, taking my fresh csa squash and mixing it into a pancake recipe seemed fresher, healthier and more innovative. especially considering it was a winter squash--something that in my mind doesn't automatically belong in a pancake. and i had a squash i need to use. a scenario that tends to be my motivating factor.

thanks to a squash site, i identified my winter squash as a delicata squash. it resulted in a wonderfully moist pancake with a great texture. the squash was not overwhelming in flavor and provided much more of a desirable consistency than anything else. and it was easy too. i just took my normal pancake recipe, added a freshly roasted and pureed winter squash to the batter and threw in some chopped walnuts for good measure.

you want another breakfast squash recipe? and what's that? you don't want healthy-feeling pancakes?

pumpkin waffles (aka pumpkin pancakes meet waffles)

i am confident in saying that the best way to serve these is layered with cheddar cheese (so that it melts) and topped with maple yogurt. yes, you heard me right. now go forth and conquer the cheddar-maple-waffle world that lays before you! or throw that squash you've been saving into your sunday pancake batter.

squash pancakes or pumpkin waffles

because of the similar consistency of squash and pancake or waffle batter, i merely added a cup of squash to a batch of batter. depending on the type of squash you use, you may have to thicken (add more flour) or thin (add more liquids) out the batters. in my case, i used canned pumpkin with the waffles, which left no adjustments. in fact, i added some extra pumpkin without having to adjust anything else. for the pancakes, i added some liquid to the squash to get it to more of a puree, since it was rather thick after roasting.